02 Mar Transition phase
The prevailing culture believes it’s inappropriate for women of marriageable age to remain single for a long time. This ideology is adopted by several communities, which has resulted in the mistreatment of unmarried women. Inequity is their daily ordeal at workplaces and social gatherings. Oftentimes this act is done by their families and friends. The pressure on this category of women is unbearable, to ease the distress, many of them begin to isolate themselves. They continue that way until their mental health and physical appearance suffer defection. On the quest to change the status of singledom, they explore controversial methods intensifying their problems.
A few years back, I attended a camp program organized strictly for single women. While we were at the camp, a single and desperate woman poured out her heart to express her agony of singledom, “What could be wrong with me, she asked, I am growing older every new day and no man has indicated an interest in me. Don’t I look attractive? Last week, my best friend walked down the aisle and here I am rejected and abandoned. I am fed up with life, I can’t believe that my younger sister will be having her second baby soon. My mom isn’t making things any easier for me, she calls me every day with the question; when are you going to introduce your man to the whole family? Singledom is the worst phase of a woman’s life, she laments. I am frustrated, I wish I could stop thinking about it, I am lonely and unhappy, I even doubt if I can endure much longer.”
In a nutshell, can you relate with the story above? Perhaps, you have gone through pain and humiliation worse than hers. The agony of singledom is written boldly on so many women. In contrast, singledom is not meant to be a phase of humiliation for any women. However, it’s discriminatory how the world views singles. The understanding of singledom being a transition process is missing. The phase of singledom is likened to be a promising stage in a woman’s life and must be valued and utilized effectively. Let’s discover why.
Once upon a time, we were all little girls filled with much love and expectation for the future. Unconsciously growth had its way, and we found ourselves as teenagers, a period accompanied by high emotional hormones going aimlessly, we felt we could do everything and life appeared adventurous. Days turned into years, and gradually we transitioned into another phase termed the youthful age, where we begin to see life from a clearer perspective, aspiring to be the best and hoping to encounter our prince charming.
The moment our prince charming tarries we begin to panic, forgotten so soon that we have entered another phase, and it takes a series of processes to transit to the next phase of life. This understanding is lacking among many women, which has propelled them to make wrong decisions hastily resulting in regrets. Singledom is a phase which is not lonely as some people say. On the contrary, it’s a fun-filled period that allows us to build ourselves and prepare effectively before transitioning into the marriage phase.
At the singledom phase, you must realise that you are betrothed to God forever, in righteousness, justice, love and compassion –Hosea 2:19. This phase is the point where you acquire fundamental knowledge and skills to sustain your home when your Mr-Right does finally arrives. It’s destructive to transition to the marriage phase unprepared, as this can tear down your marriage. Why the rush? What makes you think you’re expired? Don’t let the world system pressure you while you’re still transitioning. To enjoy your future marriage and live happily ever after, don’t skip the singledom phase.
Life is governed by times and seasons. Hence, there is absolutely no room for the rush and desperation. The book of Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. So, be at rest and enjoy the singledom season. It’s worth the wait.
Instead of worrying unnecessarily, become eager in moulding your character, devote yourself in serving God, reaching out to the poor, visiting orphanages, building your career, attending singles trips, camps and seminars and more. Being committed to such activities gives you a reason to live, refreshes your strength, erases the feeling of humiliation, brightens your looks and leaves you feeling fuller. The world needs to feel your hand of love and creativity, this is the period for you to reach out. What are you waiting for?
I came across an article while researching tagged singledom equals freedom. In essence, liberty to do whatever you chose to do with your body to get rid of the shame and humiliation. That’s false and not advisable. You’re God’s precious jewel and temple. In other words, chastity must be your lifestyle while being single. Rather than lowering your self-worth by manipulating men with your beautiful body, devote your body to the Lord. Romans 12:1 tells us; Therefore, I urge you, brother and sisters, given Gods mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God —this is your true and proper worship.
Practice purity, it’s wrong to deal with loneliness by engaging in sexual misconduct, this act will jeopardise your transition process and eventually chase your Mr-Right away. To live pure practice Psalms 119:9; How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.
I pray for you, strength to overcome and live a chaste life while single will be released upon you, and as you grow through this phase, you shall find yourself in the company of encouraging friends in Jesus name.
Happiness Hassan is obsessed with godly lifestyle and loves sharing her faith with other women unashamedly.