15 May The Shape Of Motherhood
It’s Mother’s Day month again and as I ponder this I can’t help but think about the changing roles of motherhood. As I have said in previous blog posts, my husband and I have 3 kids and over the course of the past 27 years (yikes, my oldest just turned 27!), my children have changed, and so has the shape of motherhood.
Surprise Beginnings
Our journey started with a surprise pregnancy, yes married people can have those too. We had put off having kids for a few years down the road; at least this is what we thought, until two hours at the doctor’s office, and a blood test moved up that timeline. Have you ever heard the saying: “Want to make God laugh? Then tell Him your plans.” I planned to finish school and have at least one degree, and I planned that my husband would have a full time job. Needless to say, at that time, having kids wasn’t even on our radar.
We took the news like two pros. Neither one of us was brave enough to admit that we were scared out of our wits! Enter our oldest daughter, at 8 lbs 15 oz (4.05 kg) she was going to make her presence known, she entered this world with the strong desire to make things right. From the time she first came out she had a scowl on her face, like she was judging everything my husband and I did. I had no idea how to be a mom, but I was not going to tell anyone that. Armed with every parenting book of that time, I devised another plan. Just in case you are wondering, the answer to your question is: “no”, I hadn’t learned my lesson about planning yet. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I ever have.
My husband and I stumbled our way through those first five years and then, we decided to add another child to the chaos. Enter our son. Unlike our oldest daughter, our son was six weeks early. He was ready to enter the world, and he arrived the day before my birthday. Happy birthday to me! Due to the fact he was so early our little man had to stay in the NICU for a bit, to allow his lungs to develop. I say little guy, but he was almost two months early and he was already over 7 lbs (3.17 kg)! Weeks later at a wellness check up, my doctor noticed our son’s birth weight. He looked at me and said, “Are you a praying woman?” To which I replied, “yes.” He continued, “I can tell because this was going to be an 11 pound (5 kg) baby had you gone to term!” I think about that often as I look at my now 6 foot 5 inch 245 pound “baby” boy today, and thank God for his mercy.
Rounding the corner to our third child was easy. We were not necessarily planning to have a third (there goes God laughing again) but along she came and boy oh boy did she keep us on our toes. I like to say God gave us 2 mild and 1 spicy. Not to say the first two were easy, but our youngest turns up the heat in every area of our lives. Looking back on these past years all the laughter and tears, all the courage and fear I see God’s beautiful stitching weaved throughout it all. My journey of motherhood has had its ups and downs, but a recurring theme throughout all of it was learning, and growing. Obviously my children grew and learned, but as a mother I have too.
Learning to be a student
When my children were littles I was their whole world. I was responsible for feeding, and caring for them (along with my husband) and naturally they developed into independent humans who required less and less from me. Navigating this in the first few stages was a relief. I remember when our youngest was finally potty trained, I was so relieved to be all done with that. However, through some divine wisdom I also realized that I would miss these stages and I quickly learned to relish all the “lasts” with our youngest. I held on to those times, and they became very sweet moments to me. Even here my youngest child was teaching me a lesson.
As I enter into the next stage of my life my children have become some of my closest friends, not in an unhealthy way but in a way that I relate to them as being both a student and a teacher. I am not just talking about technology, although that is a BIG part of them teaching me. I do find myself being taught different lessons by each of them. In the same way I have also been taken care of by them. That last bit has required me to learn humility and to ask for help.
Embracing the cycle of life
As I navigate through some recent health challenges I have had to learn how to ask for help. As a mother, I had to set aside my pride of always being a caregiver and humble myself to be taken care of. This current role change has been full of tears, and yet still full of grace. Just yesterday I spent the entire day in the ER. My youngest daughter had to come along with me as my condition makes it difficult for me to navigate on my own. As she tended to me, tucking my feet into the bed and making sure my pillow was adjusted correctly I remembered back to a time when I did these things for her.
I keep hearing the still, steady voice of the lord saying to me “embrace the cycle of life, this is the natural course.” In my head this all makes sense, but my momma heart wants to always be the one to take care of my children. As I’m writing this, my oldest child is planning to move across the country, my son is planning on joining the Coast Guard and my youngest is planning the next portion of her life. It feels like pieces of me are being spread around, and yet again, my children are teaching me another lesson: how to let go.
God shaping us
Whether you are a mother, or you are hoping to be, the lessons that we are taught through this process are priceless. My prayer is that you allow yourself to be a student, and allow motherhood, however that looks like for you, to shape you into the person God has called you to become.
Ursala and her husband have 3 children. She was raised in a faith based home. Being surrounded by people who loved to worship God gave her a passion for God’s word and a hunger to connect people to God thru writing. She has written 3 bible studies.
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