19 Jul Protecting Your Sanctuary

This year has been one where I have been challenged around correct boundaries when it comes to sharing my home. Far from being a Martha Stewart, I’ve always been slightly uneasy about opening my home to others. However, I’ve come to find peace in it, seeing it as an opportunity to provide love, warmth, and connection, allowing others to see me in my most authentic form. We have therefore been hosting our church connect group for two years while also enjoying long stays from family visiting from out of town, and we have enjoyed opening our home within these contexts.

Hosting connect group has also allowed us the opportunity to open our home to strangers which is something scripture encourages us to do: “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2 NIV)

However, it is opening the home outside the fellowship and family context where I have recently hit a stumbling block. On two separate occasions involving different people, I unwisely agreed to requests pertaining to the use of our home which led to uncomfortable outcomes after having to rescind our welcome. In both instances, the individuals who had made the requests were people who we had previously helped in different ways due to their personal struggles, but who were not grounded in our church community and in hindsight, were emotionally — if not spiritually — unstable.

We should be willing to open our homes to others and we shouldn’t be afraid to let people into our personal space. However, as a friend wisely said, our home is our sanctuary. Not just physically, but spiritually too. It is also not only a sanctuary for us, but a sanctuary to those who God calls us to open our homes to. We therefore need to exercise discernment when it comes to who we welcome into it.

So how do we ensure we live obediently to God’s call while also maintaining correct boundaries? Living through my own experiences, together with the counsel from friends who gave advice during those experiences, I’ve briefly compiled three practical ways to find the balance between hospitality and protection of our most personal sanctuary, our home.

Protection through caution

The same friend (mentioned above) once suggested that we should never feel pressured to give an answer to a request immediately, but we can always ask if we can get back to the person later. This allows us the time to pray before giving an answer to ensure we are being faithful stewards of the time and resources that God has given us, while also properly considering anyone else who may be affected by the request. This cannot be more relevant than when it comes to our homes. When we invite someone into our home, have we allowed time for our Lord to guide us first? Have we considered those who live with us and who will therefore be directly affected by the arrangement? Delaying immediate responses allows us to consider these factors and is also a safe response for those of us who find it hard to say ‘no’, allowing us time to find the right words to decline in a clear, respectful, and polite way.

It also requires discipline. If you’re a people-pleaser like me, my default answer is always an eager-to-help-and-save-the-day ‘yes’. Often in the moment I’m convicted in my ‘yes’ and feel perfectly at ease. It is as the day progresses that I begin to realise I didn’t think it all the way through, whether it be regarding my capacity or how it affects others in my life. When it came to my home in the above two incidences for example, I certainly fitted the description in Proverbs 29:20 (NIV), “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them.”

Protection through context

Exercise caution in entertaining one-on-one with individuals you don’t know well or who are on the periphery of the church community, especially when it comes to hosting them in your home. Unless they are elders or well-established members, consider hosting them in a group setting, such as a connect group meeting at your home, social occasions with others from your church, or in a neutral place, such as a coffee shop.

This will ensure two things; firstly, because you are meeting in fellowship, the context is one that is under the authority of God and therefore regardless of the individual’s spiritual status, there is no risk of negative spiritual influence. Secondly, it ensures that the relationship is not misread by the person in question whereby they may think they are on closer terms and may feel free to visit frequently or unannounced. While you may be happy with having frequent or unannounced visitors, consider others who are exposed to your home and ensure you are not compromising their spiritual well-being with the presence of someone you don’t know well enough.

Protection through prayer

Having said the above, there are obviously contexts when you will have strangers enter your home without knowing them such as contractors for home maintenance, or other events where friends or family may bring partners etc. I also certainly don’t want to advocate a life of seeing a ‘demon under every bush,’ but evil is real, and therefore so is spiritual oppression.

Therefore, we should be protectors of our homes, and the best way we can protect our homes, is through prayer to our greatest Protector. When you have had a stranger in your home, especially one who has given you an uncomfortable feeling, I recommend that you pray over your home and look to scripture to refill your home with peace and truth.

“In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:8 NIV).

To have a home is a blessing and with all blessings, we should always give thanks and share our blessings with others, especially those in need. However, like in all circumstances pertaining to giving, we should give prayerfully and in obedience to God, not recklessly or under compulsion. For our resources are not our own, and therefore we should always be giving according to God’s will, not ours.

Father God, thank you for my home. Thank you that you have given me the opportunity to share my home with others. Please give my wisdom and discernment in how I share my home with others, and I pray for all those who do not have a home or a safe dwelling place. Please may your Holy Spirit turn their eyes to you as their safe dwelling place and find comfort in you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.