19 Nov Eyes

Oh this challenge to know me
Oh this challenge to find me
Oh this challenge to love me

Deep in my heart,
In the core of my being.
I long for more,
I long for life,
I long for love,
Every fibre,
Every nerve,
Every muscle,
Every drop of blood,
Wants to be more,
Learn more,
Love more

Neglected, abused,
Pushed to the limits of pain,
Pushed to the boundaries of life,
I’ve fallen, I’ve risen,
I’ve fallen, I’ve risen,
I’ve fallen, I’ve risen.
I’ve been pushed, I’ve been pulled,
I’ve been torn apart,
I’ve been stripped to the core of my being,
heart and bones; gaping wounds.
I’ve cried, I’ve screamed,
I’ve lost, I’ve won,
I’ve lost, I’ve gained,
I’ve been lost, I’ve been found,
I’ve given, I’ve received,
I’ve given, I’ve given.
I’ve tried to love, I’ve failed,
I’ve tried to be loved, I’ve failed.
I surrendered my soul,
My every waking breath,
I surrendered it all,
To the One above all,
I surrendered it all,
My life, my breath, my heart.
I surrendered it all
To learn, to grow, to change,
To give more, be more, love more and be loved.

How could I have loved before,
When I did not know what love was?
How could I expect another to love my eyes,
My ways,
My being,
When I despised my eyes,
My ways,
My being,
My life.
Respect?
I had none for myself or others,
none for this life that I was so purposefully given.
Oh I cry
At the thought of how I have hated this life,
Despised my very breath,
Wished and even prayed
That I would not wake to another morning.

I have given it all,
I have surrendered my every hurt,
My every pain,
My intense darkness,
I have laid it down before my God,
Before my King.
I have begged
And pleaded for forgiveness,
I have asked to be changed,
Renewed,
Rebuilt from the very depths of my soul.

I am loved beyond measure
By the King of Kings,
He gave me life and purpose.
The alpha and omega of life
Has loved me since before human minds even thought of me
If my God has loved me and loves me still,
Then why can I not love myself?
My every hair
He knows,
My strengths, my weakness,
He knows,
My eyes he knew before I was even formed,
He loves my eyes, so why can’t I?

Into this mirror, I must gaze,
Into the depths of myself, I must see,
That old fear starts churning,
No, keep looking,
Nothing to fear,
It’s just my eyes,
The eyes that see the world,
See the beauty of life,
Nothing to be angry about,
The pain, the secrets –
It’s all finished, it’s all gone,
Not forgotten but no longer part of my present
Those secrets don’t need to be secrets anymore,
That anger – it’s gone,
Those infested wounds are starting to heal,
Soon to be nothing but scars,
Reminders of where I came from,
Reminders of my strength,
Reminders of my battles,
Reminders that I never gave up.

Keep looking into the depths of my eyes,
There’s a power within me,
To overcome anything,
A power from above.
Keep looking,
Keep looking it’s all ok,
Nothing to fear,
It’s just my eyes,
These dark eyes,
Dark – almost to the point of black
But not quite,
These eyes as unique as my fingerprints,
These eyes have seen so much,
These eyes that long to see more,
These are my eyes,
Intricately formed by the loving hands of my creator,
Nothing to fear here.

Oh I’m liking this journey to know me
Oh I’m enjoying this journey to discover me
Oh I’m loving this journey to love me

Lorette Olivier

I am a single mom to a 16-year-old daughter. I gave my life to the Lord in 2012 and stand daily in awe of how Great God is. With God I have overcome severe depression, addictions, low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies. I have moved from living in lack of, to owning a company. I love to serve in the kingdom of God. I also love writing and listening to music.