by Tianette van Staden

About a year ago, I audibly heard doors closing in my house—not in a creepy way, but in a way that gave me peace. I wondered what it meant. Now, looking back, I realize that 2024, which aligns with the Hebrew year 5784—the year of the open door—has actually been a year of closed doors for me. I didn’t piece it together at first, but as the months passed, doors continued to shut in my life: opportunities I had prayed for, dreams I had confidently believed in, and desires I thought were within reach.

When Doors Close Without Explanation

One example stands out clearly. Most of my family lives about three hours away, and I considered moving closer by renting a house next to my dad. That house had been empty for four years, and my dad had never agreed to rent it out. Yet, as soon as I seriously started contemplating the move, new renters moved in. Just like that, the door closed.
This happened repeatedly—things I prayed about, believed for, and expected to unfold were suddenly shut off from me. With every closed door, I felt more overwhelmed, and honestly, I struggled with disappointment.

Then, one evening as I was driving home, it hit me. I had said months before, “I don’t know how to deal with disappointment.” My whole life, I had struggled with handling setbacks. And suddenly, I realized that maybe this was my lesson to learn. Even when things don’t go as I planned, God is still in control. He is still working everything out for His glory.

Seasons of Refinement and Trust

I don’t see any new doors opening yet, but I remind myself of Job. Doors close for a reason, and even when I don’t understand why, I trust that bigger and better things are ahead. Maybe this is a season of testing or refinement. My relationship with God is deepening in ways I never imagined. I see now that when you ask God to grow you in a certain area, He gives you opportunities to develop in that area.

For instance, when I asked God to help me love others more, He sent difficult people into my life so I could learn to love beyond what was comfortable. Now, I am asking to be God’s friend, like Abraham was (James 2:23). And how can you be someone’s friend without opening up to them? This season has pushed me to be brutally honest with God, something I wasn’t always comfortable doing before.

Biblical Encouragement: The Stories of Joseph and Job

Joseph’s story in Genesis is a reminder that sometimes painful detours are part of God’s plan. If Joseph had not been thrown into the pit and falsely accused, he would never have become the ruler of Egypt. Job lost everything—his wealth, his health, even his family—yet God restored him in the end. I am incredibly blessed to still have my support system. When I look at these examples, I find peace knowing that even when I don’t understand, God’s plans are always good (Proverbs 3:5-6).

How I’m Learning to Handle Disappointment

I won’t lie, I didn’t handle disappointment well at first. But I’m learning. Just like training in anything, you don’t become strong overnight; you need repeated experience to build endurance.
For me, coping has looked like:

• Prayer – Constantly talking to God, even silently in my head.
• Worship – Focusing on who God is, rather than on what I feel I lack.
• Scripture – Reminding myself of God’s promises, like Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

God’s Small Confirmations

Looking back, I now see that God was preparing me. The fact that I physically heard doors close was symbolic of what was coming. The urgency I felt to learn about our identity in Christ was another sign. God was grounding me in truth before this season of closed doors. One verse that stood out to me in this time was Daniel 3:18: “But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods.” This verse, spoken by Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego before they were thrown into the fire, reminds me that even if things don’t turn out the way I want, God is still good. I didn’t recognize all of this right away, but I see now that He was giving me hints all along. Now, I ask God to help me recognize His guidance earlier so I can walk in peace, even when doors close.

Drawing Closer to God Through It All

This season has brought me closer to God in ways I never imagined. I never thought I would cry in His presence the way I have. But let me tell you—God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He is there when you weep, when you feel lost, and when your dreams shatter. And He is still good.

Final Encouragement

When life doesn’t go as planned, we have two choices:
Pull away from God in frustration.
Draw closer to Him and surrender our pain.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean life will always be easy or that you won’t feel sadness or disappointment. But I want to encourage you—you are not alone. When doors close, God is still there, guiding, refining, and preparing you for what’s next. Trust Him, even in the silence.

_________________________

Tianette is a child of God. Through sharing her personal experiences and lessons learned, she hopes to encourage others in their walk with God. She desires to bring people closer to Him, not through perfection but through her real and honest journey. Her blog is called Hope and Healing and you can also find her on Facebook.

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From time to time, Cup of Faith receives guest posts from people who would prefer to contribute to the blog once-off. These authors may choose to stay anonymous or may have their name featured in the post itself.

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by Valmarie Bester

The Bible reminds us in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” These words have carried me through one of the most challenging seasons of my life. When I began losing my vision, it felt like my world was unraveling. As a creative person, sight was everything. The fear of losing it completely was overwhelming. But in my weakness, God’s grace shone through. He used this trial to redirect my focus and open my heart to a new purpose.

Lily Grace Design, my home decor and design business, was born from this journey—a celebration of His sufficient grace. My vision may have faded, but He gave me new sight, not through my eyes, but through my heart. Instead of focusing on what I was losing, I began seeing what I could create. Each design reflects beauty, resilience, and hope. The vibrant colors and patterns remind me that even when life seems uncertain, God is still creating something beautiful in the midst of it all.

A Journey of Faith and Creativity

I never imagined that losing something as vital as my eyesight would lead to something as fulfilling as my business. Every piece I create is a reflection of God’s goodness, proof that even in weakness, His power is perfect. The designs that flow from my hands are not just patterns and colors; they are prayers, testimonies, and reminders of His unwavering grace.

I want my business to be more than just a brand. I want it to be a message. A message that says, no matter what challenges you face, God’s grace is enough. He can take your brokenness and turn it into something beautiful. He did it for me, and He can do it for you too.

A Heart of Gratitude

Through this journey, I have never walked alone. The Lord has placed people around me who have lifted me, encouraged me, and believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself. At the center of this support has been my husband.

Words cannot fully express my gratitude for the man God has given me. A husband who stands beside me, prays with me, and leads with wisdom and faith. When my world became darker, he became my light, reminding me daily that God’s plans are greater than our fears. His unwavering support has been a testament to God’s love in my life. I thank the Lord for blessing me with a God-fearing man, a partner with whom I can serve Him, grow in faith, and walk this journey of grace together.

Grace Upon Grace

Losing my vision could have been the end of my creative journey. Instead, it was the beginning of something far greater than I could have ever imagined. God’s grace took what felt like a loss and turned it into a purpose.

Every design, every cushion cover, every fabric I create carries a piece of that testimony. My prayer is that these items don’t just bring beauty into homes but also remind each person who encounters them that no matter what you face, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

So if you’re going through a season of uncertainty, know this: God is still at work. He is taking your story and weaving something beautiful, even if you can’t see it yet. Just as He did for me, He will do for you. Because in the end, His grace is more than enough.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Valmarie Bester is the founder of Lily Grace Design, a brand born from faith and resilience. Despite vision loss, she continues creating vibrant, meaningful designs that reflect God’s grace. Her work inspires beauty, hope, and a deep trust in His person. You can find out more about her on her Facebook page.

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by Lisa-Mare Brown

When my son was about 2 and half years old, our family decided that it was time for me to quit my job, and for my son and I to stay at home. It was a big decision, due to our lifestyle choices: we were living in Malta and traveling to Europe frequently. We also made another major lifestyle adjustment in moving back home to South Africa.

I honestly had no idea how big the adjustment would be… I was giving up my independence, and so many people asked me, “But why?” It made me think how messed up capitalism really is. Both parents must work and pay a proportion of their income to someone else to look after their child who will in turn need to find someone else to look after his (or her) own child.

In the end, no one gets to raise their own children. Some moms would literally tell me that they have more patience when they work, or how they would rather work as they are not up for it.

I must admit, I used to feel the same. I would look forward to Mondays and going on holiday was hard work. But I was listening to a podcast by “M is for Mama” and I can’t even remember what exactly she said but man oh man did the Holy Spirit grab my heart! I felt convinced that it was time for my son to come home.

It was really strange as I was struggling with guilt but convinced myself it’s better for my family this way. “It’s only guilt!” I told myself. Meanwhile, God was preparing my heart for a new season. I couldn’t deny it anymore and I remember saying to God: “OK God, but this needs to happen in South Africa.” At the same time, my husband had in his heart to move to South Africa too.

Now it is special how God prepared the way but I had no idea how hard the adjustment would be, and also how much I would learn. I am beginning to think that this journey was just as much for me as it was for my son.

So let’s speak about the hard… It is hard to give every minute of every day to your offspring, although it might sound like a natural thing to do. It is in fact not natural to us anymore. Society has taught us to hustle, to always scrape for more, to live for entertainment and to always be searching for the next big thing.

Spending time with a toddler demands you to slow down, to live in the second, to literally smell the roses, to invent ways of entertaining yourself, to seek adventure and fun in everyday things. No amount of toys, crafts, educational materials, “tik-tok” videos can teach you how to be in the moment with your child. Only the Holy Spirit can.

It is in the moments when I want to hustle for the next thing even if it is just to start cleaning or cooking when God shows me: this is it. This is what it is all about. This moment. In the dirt, on the ground, making growling sounds and pretending you can speak dinosaur. It forces you to slow down and just be. We are not able to just be any more.

Think about it, is it possible for you to just sit for five minutes without reverting to browsing on your phone?

It is really hard for us to just be and I believe it’s a discipline we need to practice to experience more of Jesus. That is why He lets the children come to him. That is why he requires a child like faith and that the Kingdom belongs to them. It is because what a child is: the opposite of our society. A child can just be.

Today’s society wants us to chase educational milestones in our children since infancy. But it’s not just what our children can learn from us. We can learn from them. That is an unseen treasure not everyone can acknowledge and see. It’s a hidden treasure and God reveals it to those who seek it.

So sit down… Get on the ground with them. And let them teach you how to just be.

_________

Hi, I’m Lisa. I’m a stay-at-home mom to a lively toddler boy. Following God is an exciting adventure through the highs and the lows. As long as we seek him, there’s a treasure in every season, so let’s learn how to seek him together. See Lisa’s blog here.

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by Zeeva Usman

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, but it’s often in the lowest moments—when we feel as though we’re walking through a valley—that we discover our true strength. The Bible is filled with stories of individuals who found their purpose and power not on mountaintops, but in the valleys of hardship, loss, and trial.

As Christians, we can be assured that these valleys, though painful, are not without meaning. They are the places where God’s transformative power is often most evident.

Understanding the Valley

In scripture, the valley is a place of testing. It represents times of difficulty, challenge, and sometimes, overwhelming despair. The valley of the shadow of death from Psalm 23 is perhaps the most well-known symbol of such a trial. David writes, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4, ESV). David’s words remind us that while the valley is dark and threatening, it is also a place where God’s presence is most felt.

We may not always choose to enter the valley, but we are often led there for a purpose greater than we can see at the moment. In the valley, distractions are stripped away, and we are forced to rely on God in ways we might not have before. It is here, in this place of vulnerability, that our spiritual eyes are opened.

Strength in Weakness

When we think of strength, we often picture someone who is physically or emotionally resilient, someone who can stand tall no matter what comes their way. But the Bible teaches a different kind of strength, one that is found in our weakness. The apostle Paul experienced this paradox when he pleaded with God to remove a thorn in his flesh, a persistent struggle that caused him great discomfort. God’s response? “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

Paul learned that true strength doesn’t come from our ability to endure hardship on our own. Instead, it comes from surrendering to God and allowing His power to work through us. The valley, though it may seem like a place of weakness, is where we discover that God’s strength is more than enough to carry us through.

Seeing Through the Eyes of Faith

When we walk through difficult seasons, our natural tendency is to focus on what we can see—the problems, the pain, the confusion. But as Christians, we are called to look beyond the visible and to see with eyes of faith. This is what Paul meant when he wrote, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7, NKJV)

Faith is like a new set of eyes that allows us to see God’s hand at work, even during our struggles. It gives us the perspective to recognize that the valley is not the end of the story. Instead, it is a chapter in the larger narrative of redemption that God is writing in our lives. While the valley may feel like a place of loss, it is often where God is preparing us for something greater.

The Valley as a Place of Growth

One of the most profound truths about the valley is that it is a place of growth. Just as valleys in nature are rich with nutrients and water, so too are our spiritual valleys rich with growth opportunities. It is in these moments of trial that we learn perseverance, patience, and trust in God’s timing.

James 1:2-4 tells us to “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV). The valleys of life are not random or purposeless; they are part of God’s process of refining and strengthening us.

Finding Strength in Community

In the valley, it’s easy to feel alone. The struggles we face can seem overwhelming, and we may be tempted to isolate ourselves from others. But one of the ways God strengthens us in the valley is through the support of the Christian community. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls, one can help the other up.” (NIV)

We were never meant to walk through the valleys of life alone. God has placed people around us to encourage, uplift, and remind us of His promises. In moments when our strength feels depleted, we can lean on the prayers and support of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Emerging from the Valley Stronger

Though the valley may feel like a place of defeat, it is actually where victory begins. It is in the valley that our character is forged, our faith is deepened, and our dependence on God is strengthened. When we emerge from the valley, we do so not as the same person who entered it, but as someone who has been transformed by God’s grace.

The valley is a crucible of sorts—a place where impurities are burned away, leaving behind a heart that is purer and more aligned with God’s will. The strength we find in the valley is not our own; it is the strength that comes from knowing that God is with us, that His power is made perfect in our weakness, and that He will never leave or forsake us.

Conclusion: Strength for the Journey

I found my strength in the valley—not because I could endure on my own, but because God met me there. The valleys of life are inevitable, but they are also necessary. They remind us of our need for God and His sustaining power. Through the eyes of faith, we can see that these valleys are not dead ends, but places of preparation and growth.

As we walk through the valleys, let us remember the words of Psalm 121:1-2: “I lift my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (NIV). Our help, our strength, and our victory are found in the One who walks with us through every valley and leads us into the light of His presence.

__________

Zeeva Usman is a songwriter, and a worship leader at her local church. She is dedicated to learning all musical instruments to play to praise Jesus for His priceless sacrifice on the cross. When she is not working she plays with her two dogs, Palm and Oreo.

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by Thuthu Khumalo

I was watching an interview between Candace Owens and Amber Rose, where at the end of the interview Candace enquires to Amber about her faith. I found Amber’s response so interesting. I keep thinking about how she said she could never be Christian because the Christian God is scary to her and how when she sees a Bible, she gets scared. It had me thinking a lot about what the Holiness of God means to us as His creation.

I found it so fascinating that Amber Rose was able to reason that way about God, because I think that reasoning came from an understanding that He is a Holy God, which is something that should drive you to fear Him. However, it is extremely unfortunate that she has not come to know Him as a loving Father yet. (Side note: How incredible that He is both those things at once and more? )

Anyway, I want to share a bit about my revelation of His Holiness which came from reading the book of Exodus, specifically chapter 19. The chapter speaks of the time when the Lord God was about to descend on to Mount Sinai to give the 10 commandments. Moses and Israel had to consecrate themselves for His coming and were given very specific instructions on how they were to conduct themselves at His coming and the whole reason for that was not just because He is God but because He is Holy.

“Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow, and let them wash their clothes. And let them be ready for the third day. For on the third day the Lord will come down upon Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. You shall set bounds for the people all around, saying, ‘Take heed to yourselves that you do not go up to the mountain or touch its base. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. Not a hand shall touch him, but he shall surely be stoned or shot with an arrow; whether man or beast, he shall not live.’ When the trumpet sounds long, they shall come near the mountain.”

And the Lord said to Moses, “Go down and warn the people, lest they break through to gaze at the Lord, and many of them perish. Also let the priests who come near the Lord consecrate themselves, lest the Lord break out against them.”

But Moses said to the Lord, “The people cannot come up to Mount Sinai; for You warned us, saying, ‘Set bounds around the mountain and consecrate it.’ ”

Then the Lord said to him, “Away! Get down and then come up, you and Aaron with you. But do not let the priests and the people break through to come up to the Lord, lest He break out against them.””
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭19‬:‭10‬-‭13‬, ‭21‬-‭24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

When I read “lest He break out against them” which is repeated twice in this chapter I thought of the phenomena that we as humans experience called trypophobia (an aversion or repulsion to objects like honeycombs and sponges that have repetitive patterns or clusters of small holes). When you have that phobia, you cannot stop the repulsion to these objects, it happens automatically because you cannot remove the phobia from yourself. It led me to understand that because of our fallen nature, God will literally HAVE TO retaliate in our presence. His Holiness is who He is, and will always be.

So although the coming of God in Exodus was glorious, because of the fact that He is a Holy God, there was still no way the people could hear His Word and see His true glory. Do you know how He rectifies that?

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.”
‭‭John‬ ‭1‬:‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

He had mercy on us in this way. When He made a way for us to hear His Word and behold His glory through Jesus Christ. Not only that, but if you read about how God established His relations with the children of Israel, you will find out that there was only one way to make peace with God if you had sinned against Him:

“In fact, according to the law of Moses, nearly everything was purified with blood. For without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭9‬:‭22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This reconciliation with God that we have through the shedding of the blood of Jesus Christ means that when He comes again, unlike in Exodus, we will be able to stand before Him as Holy people, just as He is Holy.

God Bless you guys! I love you!

P:S: if you don’t mind I would like to prescribe that you read the book of Exodus as well as the book of Hebrews. Preferably Hebrews first and then Exodus straight after. Comment with your reflections!

_________

This was a Guest Post written by Thuthu Khumalo. You can find more of her content on ‘We Will Love’ via WordPress, Instagram, Facebook or YouTube

“I have placed my hope in the Resurrected Christ and the Son of God. How do I walk with Him not just in hope and faith, but in love? What does it even mean to love one another, just as He loved us?”

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by Lara Silverman

Matt Silverman once said to me “Babe, God always writes the best stories.” Let me tell you one now. You see, I started praying for an Armenian Christian husband at age sixteen. But I was always fascinated with God’s chosen people. So what did God do? On January 1, 2022, while in the throngs of my own serious illness, God gave me both of my heart’s desires by sending me a five foot ten (1.8m) half-Armenian, half-Jewish package named Matt Silverman. God’s hand in orchestrating our love story was so evident that you could say Matt was signed, sealed and delivered from God to me. A few years earlier when we were both healthy. We had driven to Christian camp alone by chance, discovering our chemistry even as friends.

Fast forward five years and Matt, amidst his own cancer, rang my doorbell and sat across my bed to give me spiritual support on how to persevere in suffering. He sat there patiently until eleven pm with his warm smile, tenderly answering all my questions and accusations against God. At the end of the night, I thanked him for coming and he responded with a surprising answer that flooded my heart with butterflies: he said verbatim “There’s no place I’d rather be.” After about six visits we literally just realized we were falling in love, hard. As Matt said, “We never dated did we? We just fell in love.” I had finally found my unicorn, a quirky musical nerd just like me.

Matt’s calm demeanor absorbed my energetic disposition. Right before visits, I would perk up, get out of my pit of self-pity, and start preparing love songs to sing to him as he lay down. My dad would roll his eyes jealously, “Oh, Matt must be coming again.” To which I said, “Dad listen, this guy is the crème de la crème, a handsome evangelizing engineering PhD who likes politics and theology like me. Get with the program.” When I told Matt once his eyes were like beautiful chocolate almonds, he teased, “I didn’t know my eyes were edible.” I would mail him bright pink Victorian love letters doused in glitter addressed to “Trouble Silverman” to embarrass him in front of his roommates. I don’t know if it worked but he proposed a few months later. Then, when we took engagement photos at the Pulgas Water Temple, the verse on the temple was Isaiah 43:20, which was also my devotional verse that very morning in my Bible app. The more we thought about it we decided: this must be our wedding theme. Thus, God even orchestrated our wedding verse to teach how he gives believers streams of refreshing water in their desert times. This is our love story.

Matt was cut from a different cloth. He gave all his money to charity, fasted when praying for others, taught children, preached internationally, and his eyes told the story of great perseverance in suffering. Because of his past sufferings, Matt also instinctively displayed great compassion for others. When I moved in, I found an old notebook where he had meticulously scribbled people’s names, their specific needs, and the day of the week to pray. My heart melted. As for me, he made me feel extremely understood. He was constant and patient with me in my outbursts against God as to why we’re suffering, answering my theological questions until two am. He never once judged me for my bitterness, which is very easy to do when both spouses are struggling. Instead, he gave me grace time and time again and gently said, “God wants us to have joy in our suffering, right babe? Let’s try.”

Second, Matt was incredibly humble and servant-hearted, laser-focused on church, family, and his students. I watched him give lectures in sharp pain lying down in bed, putting his students’ needs over his own. And despite his literal brilliance, at bottom he was a simple man, giving no importance to pomp and circumstance. When I told him once he is the perfect Christian, he got flustered and said “Lara stop. I’m not perfect just like any sinner. Don’t idolize me.” So even in compliments, he stayed rooted in the gospel.

Another example: I once surprised Matt with a fancy new wardrobe and he started tearing up and said: “I always felt guilty spending money on myself but I’m so happy my wife is taking care of me now.” It just never occurred to him to think of himself. Matt also fostered my passions, saying once: “Lara, you’re my Maria from Sound of Music. I was suffering and then you came into my life bringing music and joy.” For a musical lover like me, such a profound compliment flew me to the moon and back.

Third, Matt was supernaturally courageous, teaching me how to be fearless. Chemo after chemo, surgery, CAT scan, you name it, he came back, laid down, smiled and said the same thing every single time: “There’s my girl.” No bitterness. No fear. Some frustration? Yes. But not more. And in hospice, Matt went through an excruciating phase of not eating a crumb for nine weeks and watching his body deteriorate, without a SINGLE complaint about pain or dying young. It was shocking. And despite facing cancer twice, Matt praised God privately to me until his last breath — without a trace of bitterness — and only had immense peace and excitement about meeting his God. This is Matt Silverman. A model of Christlike submission to God’s will; a living testimony of what he preached. His courageous outlook bears powerful witness to the reality that for the Christian, death is nothing but a doorway into Christ’s presence forever. For this reason, I proclaim: MY HUSBAND IS ALIVE! See John 11:25 (“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.’”). THIS is the power of the gospel.

______

Lara Silverman is an Armenian American lawyer, jazz singer, comedic actress, violinist, and songwriter. She holds a JD from Stanford Law School and a BA from UC Berkeley, where she double-majored in Economics and Political Science.

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by Melissa de Lange

On the 30^th of January 1986 I was born at 11:00 in the morning. My journey into this world wasn’t an easy one. When my mom went for her check up at the doctors she didn’t know that she was in labor. She never experienced any labor pains or feel any symptoms. The doctor then rushed her to the hospital and that’s where all hell broke loose. I was laying transverse which the doctors never picked up in any scans. They rushed her to the emergency room where she had an emergency C-section. When I finally came out I didn’t breath for 20 minutes. The doctors confirmed that I would be a vegetable (what a nasty way to describe disabled people!), and that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. My mom would have to feed me with a tube. I wouldn’t be able to walk, talk, run or play. (I guess they were wrong again! All Glory be to God!)

I was in the ICU incubator for 10 days and during this time my parents couldn’t hold me; they could only touch me through the holes in the cradle. On one occasion the paediatrician came to my mom to tell her she would have to put me in a home because I wouldn’t be able to have a normal life. That broke my mom and that’s when she decided to invite all of the pastors to come to the hospital to pray. The following day I nursed for the first time like any other baby.

You see, when my mother was still pregnant with me there was a nasty incident. My parents had a lady helping them around the house and one day mom had asked her to do something. She replied with a sarcastic “NO”. Mom then proceeded to ask her to leave and that’s when she returned with a bucket of white stuff which she threw all over mom’s tummy. Mom’s pregnancy was otherwise normal and there were no complications until she went into labor.

Longing for Acceptance

I was discharged after 10 days. Mom had my room all done up in pink (can only imagine!). My brother was the one to make me laugh loud for the first time. They were all so happy! I did everything a normal baby could do but I struggled at times. I was referred to The Brown’s School where I started with physio therapy. I joined the school after that and attended creche. I only started walking at the age of 4 years old.

Growing up was hard. Wherever we went people used to stare and laugh (that really hurt the most). No one asked why I was sitting in a pram. My gran told me that when I just started walking I used to walk with my legs wide apart for balance. Honestly being at a school for the disabled that was the only place I really felt accepted. My whole life I knew that I was different but I had this burn deep down inside that when I grew up that I would be “normal” and accepted.

Spiritual Sight

I was quite young when I started seeing things, probably around 4 years of age. The very first thing I really took notice of was a little boy who used to run around in our backyard. At first I didn’t say anything to anyone because it seemed nobody else saw him. One day he had asked me to follow him through the banana trees but my mom called me inside just then. I can’t recall seeing him again after that day but from then on, things spiralled out of control. We moved around a lot and in every house we lived in, I saw things.

Honestly sitting here looking back, it brings tears to my eyes to think of the things I could see – and no one believed me at first. It got so bad to a point where I started sleeping in my parents room until I was about 14 years old. I was so scared these things wouldn’t leave me alone.

An Unhappy Life

I could never explain why, but I always was just so nasty to everyone, even to my friends at school. I would just get angry for the slightest reason, it destroyed a lot of my friendships and relationships. This went back and forth for years. I started smoking at the age of 16 started drinking at the age of 18 and so on. But I could never take drugs. I remember being suicidal. All I wanted to do was die. That was my biggest wish in life. Oh, I tried to commit suicide twice before (not proud of it but its true).

I went to counsellors, psychologists, pastors even and nothing seemed to help or work. In 2018 our house caught alight, just like that, without any storm or any other reason. Thank the Lord again no one was hurt. After that, things seemed to get worse so we then got in contact with these pastors. They came and cleared our home. It seemed to have worked for everyone else but not for me. I was still seeing things but they were the most ugliest things I have ever seen in my life.

Things used to come flying out of my room, my name was being called at all times when no one was home. There’s just so much that happened during the course of my life. I recall a nun that used to stand outside of the window whilst I would be washing dishes and she would just suck the life right out of me. That was when I had enough and decided to take control.

A Change

I contacted those same pastors and explained what was going on. They took months to get back to me so I gave up. One day I received a call from the pastor inviting me to go to church that Sunday and I said, ‘yes, please!’ Church was amazing but something didn’t feel right. I felt like I didn’t belong but I fought the feeling, and they had invited me to go back the following Sunday.

The morning of the 5^th of June 2022 I was so nervous and I had this overwhelming desire to run. I have no idea why because it was Church: what was there to be scared of, right? That day I would walk into church as melissa for the very last time. Sitting there in the front of the church I was so scared. Everything inside me started shaking. I remember the prophet saying, ‘If there is anyone here who needs to come up for prayers, now is the time.’ I couldn’t move but my aunty Elizabeth told me to stand up. I didn’t want to but I went. Standing in that line, waiting for Pastor Griffith to come to pray for me I then got an overwhelming desire to run but my feet didn’t want to cooperate with me. I saw him getting closer and closer; my heart leaped into my chest. I still can’t explain why I was feeling so scared. It’s the Lord, after all? When he came up to me he looked at me and started praying that’s the last thing I remember. I then woke up on the floor. 

When I opened my eyes, I knew that I was in a church, and that I had been delivered because I had a feeling I have never felt in my life before. Let me try and explain it the best way I can then I will tell you who I saw. Laying there for a few minutes, I felt like I was in the best place ever. I felt like I was surrounded by peace – not just any peace, but peace straight from heaven. I opened my eyes and saw the prophet and all of the pastors. But standing just behind the prophet I saw Jesus Himself. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, Jesus was there and I SAW Him. (this brings tears to my eyes just recalling that day).  There was a feeling of sheer relief in my body. It felt like something left – I felt it leaving – and I never looked back ever since.

I see things still but not like before. I get visions of Heaven I have proper conversations with Jesus Himself. He sits with me and mom every night at the kitchen table while I read the Bible and pray. We have conversations. He’s shared a lot of things with me. I’ve even met His angels and Saint Peter who stands at Heavens gates.

I will never look back. My life is for Jesus. I have never ever loved someone so much as much as I love Him. He’s taught me things, He’s told me things, He’s showed me things.

I was born Melissa de Lange in 1986 but that’s not me anymore. People ask me today who are you, my reply?

I am Melissa de Lange the daughter of The Living God. I have a best friend, a father, a teacher. His Name is Jesus Christ and He is real. He is here and He wants to save us.

I hope that one day I can inspire people to begin a journey with Jesus Christ. Honestly it’s the best thing I have ever done. A lot has changed. Ive lost friends and family but one thing remains and that’s my Lord Jesus Christ. I will never walk alone.

I’ve come a long way and still have a long way to go. But I would love to gather as many people as I can for Jesus cause without Him we are nothing.

I hope this inspires people.

God Bless you and keep you.

Guest Author

From time to time, Cup of Faith receives guest posts from people who would prefer to contribute to the blog once-off. These authors may choose to stay anonymous or may have their name featured in the post itself.

The post My Story: Encountering Jesus Christ appeared first on Cup of Faith.

By Marthe Badibanga

“God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.”

As you recite that, do you really believe that right now? You know it to be true, as a believer, but right now, do you feel that way? Where are you hurting today, where do you feel like God is testing you? When you think of that pain, that trial, you are less confident making that declaration – “God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.”

How are you responding to that difficulty? What or who do you turn to for comfort and help to get you through? Is it a thing such as food, or an activity such as sport, or a person such as a spouse or a friend? Or is it something more sinister like self-pity, or a sinful habit like an addiction?

The apostle James, the elder of the church in Jerusalem during some of the most tumultuous times of persecution the church experienced, could easily list a whole bunch of areas where he knew his congregation felt tested and tried. He knew tough times all too well; and he wrote an entire letter to encourage his flock to respond properly when they were under pressure. Because that’s what matters – not the difficulty itself, which we are often tempted to focus on intently, but rather how we respond. He writes,

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. James 1:16-18, ESV

In these verses, James reminds us that God is all the time, even during our hardest trials, which are a necessary part of our spiritual growth (v.2-4). We can say it this way: God is not on trial during our trials; we are. He uses hard times to put our faith to the test. If we are to pass with flying colours (v.12), we need to remember to ‘LoGG’ our trials, as a ship captain keeps a log of his voyage. LoGG as in remembering His Love, His Goodness and His Grace.

1. Love (v.16)
“Beloved”, James writes – you are loved! You are bought at a precious price. Remember that you are deeply loved by God! He paid the ultimate sacrifice for you. We need to believe that down to our very core. To quote H.B. Charles Jr:

“The peril of the unredeemed sinner is unbelief. The peril of the redeemed sinner is misbelief.”

We “misbelieve” when we forget what it cost God to save us. We “misbelieve” when we forget the pit from which we were rescued. We “misbelieve” when we accuse God of mistreating us (v 13-15). The only cure for misbelief is replacing falsehood with Truth. Truth is the Word of God. No matter what happens, His promises are true. It is in His Word that we discover His unchanging character – He makes no mistake. His purposes for you and me are outlined in His Word – that is, to transform us into the likeness of His Son, Jesus. We learn there that He will never leave us, nor forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He is our ever-present help in our times of need (Ps. 46:1). Linger at the foot of the cross, contemplating what Jesus did for us, how much He loved us.

2. Goodness (v.17)
Every good in this world ultimately comes from God. He made it; He sends it; He gives it. Think of the Doxology – “Praise God from whom all blessings flow.” What do we have that we have not received (1 Cor 4:7) – our gifts, our talents, our looks, our wealth, our creativity, our strength, our accomplishments? Our God is good, faithful and gracious – completely, constantly and unchangeably. There is no shadow of turning within Him. He is the still constant in our lives. He cannot not be good. Everything He does is good.
God is good, all the time. Do we really believe His goodness to us? This is a particular area of struggle for me. It’s so easy for me to get bogged down by the difficulty in front of me that I misbelieve God’s goodness towards me, to the point of cynicism.

So, recount with me His goodness in your life. Raise your right hand with me and, as you outstretch each finger, say each of these phrases:
God is good
All the time
In every situation
No matter what
God is good.

With your five fingers extended, add, as they do in Nigeria, “I am a witness.”

Do it again. Close your eyes and take a moment to recount one or two instances just this week where you can bear witness to His goodness. Say them out loud. Witness to those around you.

God is good and faithful, and He loves to show those attributes to us if we pay enough attention. When we are tempted to give up, remember the goodness of God. When we feel like giving in to temptation, remember the goodness of God. When we want to resign from life, remember the goodness of God.

3. Grace (v.18)
“…of his own will”

Salvation doesn’t start with us; it starts with God. “Whilst we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom 5:8) He pursued us, since the Garden of Eden. We did not deserve any part of the salvation plan; He gave it to us freely. We were dead in our sin and in need of new life (Eph 2:1), which He gave to us. Why? Because our old life is indelibly marked with sin and disobedience.

If He did not leave us dead in our sin, then we can be certain that, no matter what we may be facing today, He will not abandon us, nor let us be tempted beyond what we could bear. He will provide the way out (1 Cor 10:13). That way out is found in His Word. The Word of God is an instrument of grace in our lives; it is “alive and active” (Heb 4:12), a sword that lays bare the hidden secrets of our hearts, revealing sin, exposing every excuse, showing us our need, and then leading us to the cross of Christ where we can be forgiven.

Friends, this is not a magical formula to dispel all your fears, clear your confusion, or wipe away all your tears. Most of the time, we don’t have a choice about the bad things that happen to us, not making any sense to us, appearing random. If your life seems random at the moment, you may be assured that it is not finished. We are never really finished in this life because God is always doing more work in us.

God is much more concerned with how we respond in our difficult times; that’s what matters! Our hard times are designed to bring us closer to Him – to His love, His goodness and His grace. LoGG your hard times with Him, knowing that, in the end, weeping will pass, and joy will come; that we will be brought forth from the fire as pure gold.

Meditate on God’s Love; recount His Goodness; bask in His Grace. A good memory of the right things will keep you strong during those hard times.

________________________________

Thank you Marthe Badibanga for her submission.

If you would like to see your work published on the Cup of Faith blog, you can submit a contribution here.

Guest Author

From time to time, Cup of Faith receives guest posts from people who would prefer to contribute to the blog once-off. These authors may choose to stay anonymous or may have their name featured in the post itself.

The post LoGG The Hard Times appeared first on Cup of Faith.

“Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.”

–Julia Cameron

Before we get into the ‘how’, let’s start with ‘why.’ Why become a more creative mother? As mothers, we are busy enough as it is, is this another thing for us to worry about? 

No, it is not. And what you will be happy to find, if you dare to try, is that creativity will lighten your burden, not add to it. 

The very first thing God tells us about Himself in the Bible, is that He is creative. Then He tells us that we are made in His image. “God created human beings; He created them godlike, reflecting God’s nature.” Genesis 1: 26-28 MSG

So right from the start, you can rest assured that you have been gifted with creative intelligence. There’s no debating that. Like any type of intelligence, is not fixed. It can grow in depth and strength through deliberate effort. 

Since you are reading this, it is most likely that you already want to become a more creative mother. Good! Creativity has been listed by the World Economic Forum as the number one skill rising in importance over the next five years. Having strong creative thinking skills is an asset to any jobseeker of the future. More importantly, for any Christ-follower who wants to be transformed into the image of our Lord (2 Cor 3:18 and Romans 8:29), we should seek to be more creative as He is creative. 

So, how do we do it?

There are lots of things that influence your children’s creativity and many of them are out of your control. However, here are some that are in your control:

1. Who you are
2. What you say
3. What you do

Let’s look at these one by one.

1. Who you are:

Be a role model for creativity

“Before you try to assist fellow passengers, please put your own oxygen mask on yourself.”

A great way to build creative thinking kids is to develop your own creativity. Whether we like it or not we are role models to our offspring. They are always watching us, learning from us and, consciously or unconsciously, mimicking our behaviour.  This is rather terrifying to me, especially when I think about all the behaviours that I am not proud of.

You don’t need to worry exactly how you are going to ‘role model’ this. Just make the decision to intentionally develop your creativity and know that this will rub off on your kids.  As you grow your creative mindset and develop your creative skillset, the changes will become evident in your interests, your conversations, your demeanour, your curiosity.

Your kids will do what you do. Immerse yourself in some creative pursuits. Wake up your inner child. Stop taking yourself so seriously! Unplug. Put on some music that lights you up inside. Set aside the schedule and the to-do list for a short while and take the lead from your kids. Make a mess. Be silly. Get involved with your hands. Use your imagination. Remember what fascinated you when you were young and explore that.

For more on how to get more creative yourself why not take our free quiz to find out what could be killing your creativity and enrol in our 5 Day Creative Wake-Up online course which will give you a step-by-step, practical process for reviving your creativity and taking it to the next level. (Best done over five days, it’s around 2.5 hours of video-based learning – not five full days!)

My daughter, Saskia, taking a creative risk😆

2. What you say:

Try to avoid these creativity squashers

“The words you speak become the house you live in.”

Written in fourteenth century Iran by esteemed poet Hafiz, this saying still applies today. Take a moment to think about the words that you speak to your children? What kinds of words do you use? What phrases do you say every day? What house are you building with your words?

In a recent study* of the effects of parenting on creativity in Chinese employees, it was found that a parent’s strong interest in and advice with studies had a positive effect on creativity. However, over-parenting in the way of over-involvement in daily affairs, excessive reminding of what to do when and overprotection from trials or failure had an adverse effect on creativity.

Though the intention is to help our kids, if we are not careful, the outcome could be that we train the creativity out of them.

Here are some creatively deadly phrases to avoid.

• “No, do it this way.” Implying that there is a ‘right’ way to do something will keep your child from taking creative risks.
• “That’s weird.” Creative expressions by definition often don’t conform to the norms and customs that we are used to. Rather cheer your child on for doing something you’ve never seen before.
• “Look how s/he did it!” or “Can you do x like so-and-so?” Comparisons tend to steer children away from confidence in their own way of doing things and makes them try to imitate their peers. Let them be inspired by others but watch where you might be comparing. (I’m sorry to say I think I inadvertently do this with my two daughters.)
• “And the winner is…!” When adults give awards and excessive praise for the best pictures, the best dance, the best poem, etc. children begin working for the award rather than using their creativity. When they don’t get the award or praise, the subliminal message is that “you are not creative enough.”
• “Just make this a bit more…” or “Just point your toes a little more…” There is a place for creative critique. However, we can undermine our children’s creative efforts, especially when they are starting out, if we become too nitpicky about what they have produced or performed. We should not nudge them to get it to our standards when they are still building creative confidence.
• “You’re making a mess! Stop that!” Now, there is a time for this phrase. (Hubbie, I’m talking to you.) However, when used every time a child tries a creative project, it is going to crush creativity. Help your child find safe places to be free and make a mess or a noise without worrying about the wrath of you coming down on their heads.

Managers take note: You can apply most of this thinking to how you speak to your team members!

3. What you do: Create an environment where their creativity can thrive

1. It’s okay to copy when you start out.

Tony Buzan used tell a story of kindergarten schoolteacher in an art class. The teacher asks the children to draw an aeroplane. They get going on their blank pages, but one child is uncertain. He’s not drawn an aeroplane before. He leans over to see what the boy next to him is drawing. The teacher notices and barks: “No copying!”

Yet, how else do we learn than by copying? Imagine a baby says its first word: “Dada!” and we said: “No copying! Make up your own words!” Let your child copy to start out, but then encourage them to try a little iteration of their own. From there they can try another, and soon they will have the confidence to go off on their own creative tangent.

Gabriella, as a pre-schooler, undaunted by a blank canvas

2. Imagine with your hands

Imagination is central to creativity, but you don’t only imagine with your mind. Your hands help too. When you get stuck in and start building or drawing or writing, your mind gets feedback that sparks more ideas and new thinking. This is why rough prototyping is such an important part of design thinking. If your child is stuck for ideas, give them some craft materials or LEGO bricks to tinker with and new ideas will emerge.

 3. Give them lots of different materials to make stuff with

Children are influenced by the toys and materials they have on hand. Take stock of what they have access to. Is it mostly pre-packaged toys and games, or do you have a wide variety of materials they can get creative with? Collect and make available fabric and threads, wood and nails, glue and tape, newspaper and birdseed, sand and sacking, programming tools and apps, paints and sponges, and so on. The more different types of materials they can work with, the more they can stretch their imaginations.

My daughters exploring whether hair makes a good paintbrush😂

4. Do longer projects as well as quick projects

Sometimes ideas need to ruminate. Not all creative projects should be completed in one sitting. When my girls were toddlers, I was dismayed at how quickly they finished creative projects. It would take me five times as long to set up the project as it took for them to finish it! Now that they are older (9 and 14), there should be some projects that they work on over time. This encourages deeper thought and experimentation, even time to dream over night about a project and bring new ideas to it.

 5. Help them to collaborate with other kids

Collaboration is a key part of creativity. The most innovative teams know this. When it comes to creativity, there is an exponential multiplier effect from new perspectives and ideas, when collaboration is done in a positive way. When egos, mistrust or poor communication take over collaboration can fail. Help your child to learn to collaborate by helping them to find other kids to work with. Whether it is the neighbours, cousins or children overseas that they meet online (with your guidance), they will benefit from practice in working collaboratively. Sometimes you might lead them to other children with similar interests, but also look for opportunities to meet and work with children with different interests or from different cultures or backgrounds. Diversity is the secret sauce of creativity.

 6.  It’s important for them to reflect

It is helpful for children to step back and think about the creative work that they are doing. Encourage them to apply their minds to their creative process. Ask them questions like: “What has been most surprising to you?” “What inspired you to try this?” If the project hasn’t worked out, ask them: “What were you hoping would happen?” As they describe their process to you, they may realise where they went wrong and come up with another solution.

Gaby is now in Grade 3 and is taking her creativity to new heights with mind maps

7. Talk about your failures

Take time to share your thinking with them. Talk about projects you are working on, ideas you have and how you are coming up with solutions. When things don’t work out for you, share your failures. Explain what went wrong and how it makes you feel. Talk about what you plan to do differently. Help your children become comfortable with trying hard things, being brave and moving on when things don’t work out. Frame new endeavours as experiments. Perseverance, self-belief and courage are vital for creative confidence.

Loris Malaguzzi was an Italian educator who believed that children are powerful and capable individuals who construct their own learning. He founded the Reggio approach which highlighted the creative arts; the involvement of parents and community; and respect for young children’s learning. His philosophy is summed up in his poem “The Hundred Languages”:

The child has

a hundred languages

(and a hundred hundred hundred more)

but they steal ninety-nine.

The school and the culture

separate the head from the body.

They tell the child:

to think without hands

to do without head

to listen and not to speak

to understand without joy

to love and to marvel

only at Easter and at Christmas.

 The road to creative confidence can be a long one. Don’t expect it to materialise overnight and certainly don’t overburden yourself with expectations. This is where you cast perfectionism aside, set down your worry pot and just try one small thing at a time.

“Ever since happiness heard your name,

it has been running through the streets trying to find you.” 

-Hafiz

______________

References

*Is overparenting harmful to creativity? Wenzhi Zheng, Yenchun Jim Wu, Zhanjie Ma and Yingping Mai, Huaqiao University, Fujian, China and National Taiwan Normal University, Taipei City, Taiwan. (2019)

Ideas for creating a creative environment from Lifelong Kindergarten: Cultivating Creativity through Projects, Passion, Peers, and Play. Mitchel Resnick, MIT Media Lab, Published by MIT Press (2017)

We would like to thank Nina Pearse for this guest post. Nina is a creativity and innovation speaker, trainer and coach. She is the author of the Made to Create Bible Study.

Guest Author

From time to time, Cup of Faith receives guest posts from people who would prefer to contribute to the blog once-off. These authors may choose to stay anonymous or may have their name featured in the post itself.

The post How can I be a more creative mother? appeared first on Cup of Faith.

By Teresa Burgess

My story may look a lot like yours. There are definitely differences, but woven into both our tapestries are the joys and heartaches, threads of shame and celebration, pride and humility, tangled threads of regret, and beautiful, cherished moments.

Some of my earliest memories are of carefree games of “Red light-Green light” or “Leprechaun” (which mostly consisted of running sneakily around the neighborhood from yard to yard and drinking out of water hoses with the nozzle upright so the water bubbled over). I was always with a posse of little friends, and I was usually the self-appointed leader. I think some of my tendency to be bossy arises from my God-given temperament, my knack for organizing things and people, and my ability to come up with creative ideas.

As a kid, I seemed to fall down and skin my knees a lot, but I think I was just considered clumsy. I don’t remember exactly when I started feeling inferior, but I think it started in 5th grade. I had my first male teacher, and he was strict. He had a habit of slamming his yardstick on student desks, and because I sat in the front of the class, I often got the heart-stopping adrenaline rush of his sudden outbursts. We were also required to sit boy-girl-boy-girl, and the class bully sat beside me. It was during that year that we got the “menstruation talk,” and I was angry and embarrassed when the bully grabbed my “Girl to Woman” book and started teasing me. I had a humiliating pants-wetting incident that year that traumatized me for years.

When I entered junior high school, I started noticing that the breast fairy was visiting other girls, but I saw no sign of her. Having to shower after Physical Education class (P.E.) was terrifying. I uncovered as little of myself as possible and tried to make fun of other girls to deflect attention from myself. I learned a valuable tool through this to deflect criticism. It was of being witty and funny to redirect attention from myself. During these years, I noticed that I was one of the last chosen for sports teams, and I began to be teased about not only my flat chest but for walking on my toes. I wasn’t aware that I walked any differently than anyone else, but I knew I couldn’t run as fast as everyone else. I also could not do a single pull-up. I had a good throwing arm and could exceed the physical fitness goals in sit-ups, but anything requiring lower body strength was extremely difficult. Even though I was thin I was always at the back of the pack on the track along with the slow, chubby girls.

Of course, as fate would have it, my sister was good at everything I was poor at. She was popular, athletic, and graceful. She even took charm school lessons. That was not even offered to me. Sometime during my school aged years I learned that my mother’s pregnancy with me was an accident and that my parents had wanted me to be a boy. I became a tom-boy. That was easier than trying to compete with my sister.

By high school, I was a pretty introverted girl with few friends. My best friend was very different from me. She was sexually provocative, having liaisons with older men (including one of our high school teachers, I learned later), and I was drawn to her independent and rebellious ways. I, on the other hand, didn’t even really know anything about sex and had little interest in boys. I did enjoy the forbidden fruit of smoking cigarettes and hanging out with this friend who exposed me to what it meant to be raised poor by a single mother with little supervision. Sadly, my friend ended up infertile from gonorrhoea and married a much older, wealthy man who was abusive. She repeated the broken marriage cycle that she was role-modeled for twenty-three years until she escaped and started a new life.

My parents were married young. My mother was 18 and eager to leave home. The fact that they raised my brother, sister, and me, as well as they did, is a testament to their commitment to marriage and faith.

As I approached my senior year of high school, I had not really thought much about my future. My best friend took a vocational training class, and I followed her example and took a nurse’s aide training class. There, I fell in love with nursing and found my calling. I was captivated by the idea of being a registered nurse. It suddenly felt like the perfect fit. I had never considered nursing before that time.

At age 17, I had surgery on my left Achilles’ tendon to try to lengthen it. I had developed foot drop and remember my parents pestering me to do heel stretches. I finally had the surgery, which was not successful (since my bones had fused into a foot drop position). The surgery did leave me with a big ugly scar on my heel, though.

My parents did not save money for their daughters to go to college. They were less than thrilled at my enthusiasm for becoming a nurse. I remember discussing possibly joining the Navy to fund my education, and my father strongly discouraged it. He felt that women didn’t belong in the military and that military nurses were loose women since they performed the “lewd” act of bathing men’s bodies.
I shrugged that off but did listen to my father’s concerns about being isolated with so many men. I entered junior college and took pre-requisite nursing classes. I think my parents expected me to quit, but I didn’t. It took me 2 years to be accepted and another 2 years to finish the associate degree program, but I did. It was wonderful for my self-esteem.

I took my first job seriously and began as a night shift nurse in the post-cardiac care unit at Pomona Valley Hospital (where I was born). It was through a co-worker that I happened to meet the first man to pay attention to me and treat me as a woman. I was woefully unprepared for the realities of a male-female relationship and saw only what I chose to see. I ignored the fact that he was divorced, had 2 young daughters, was uncommitted, and, most of all, that he was not a follower of Christ. I was swept off my feet into a physical infatuation-based liaison. When it culminated in intercourse, I was left unfulfilled, empty, and shame-filled.

My period was due two weeks later, and when it didn’t start, I sought out birth control at Planned Parenthood because I was too embarrassed to see my parent’s family doctor or to tell a co-worker. I learned that I was pregnant and, out of shame and humiliation, immediately decided that abortion was the only answer. It was the only option presented to me at Planned Parenthood.

Accompanied by my current roommate (who had gone through several abortions) I had the abortion. I sobbed through the whole thing and immediately knew I had made a huge mistake and had committed murder. I felt that I didn’t deserve to live. I finally poured out my heart to an older former Christian classmate. She loved me and helped me see that God could forgive even this. I remember confiding all this to my sister and not feeling the same sense of forgiveness. I regretted telling her, and she has never mentioned it since. Years later, I found healing and peace through a post-abortion Bible study group. I have gone on to share my testimony of healing with thousands through my participation in the crisis pregnancy ministry and with a ministry called Silent No More.

When I was getting over my abortion, I came to the place where I decided to trust God with my future. It was a process, but I told God I was prepared to be single if He so willed it. Two weeks later, I met my husband, Roane, through a Christian pen-pal club. Nine months later, we were married.
We had many adjustments to make to be molded into one. The physical attraction was no problem. However, there were 13 ½ years of age difference between us and many unfulfilled expectations as we entered our marriage. After about eight months of marriage, one night, Roane laid back with his hands behind his head and said, “These last eight months have been great, haven’t they?” I said, “No.” I remember he was shocked. We then discussed marriage counseling, and he said, “Only crazy people see counselors; you go, I don’t need it.” He finally agreed to go see a counselor after I asked if our marriage was worth it.

Boy, have we come a long way since then. We both learned a lot about ourselves from counseling. I was holding in a lot of small annoyances and disappointments. When it built up, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I was exploding and pouring out all the vileness I had collected; it’s called “passive aggression.” We began to adjust our expectations and started learning how to communicate better, which helped a lot. One revelation I had was that my husband was tough on the outside, but inside, he was as soft and vulnerable as I was. He needed affirmation just like I did.

One episode of note during our adjustment years was what I call “the water incident.” Roane made a comment about the poor way I arranged silverware in the kitchen drawer. I was at one of those little things that brought about “an exploding point.” I took a glass that had about 4 ounces of water in it and poured it over his head. Pause. He didn’t say anything.

Later that night, while I was asleep, he snuck downstairs. We happened to have a leaky kitchen sink pipe and a bucket collecting the drips. It had a gallon or two of rusty water in it. He brought it back upstairs, pulled the covers off me, and dowsed me good. I flew out of the bed like a raging bear.
When things settled, he had to dry the bed with a hair dryer because the plastic mattress cover had a huge rip. We ended up going to the waterbed in the other room to sleep. It had not been heated and was very cold. He got to talk out his side of the issues he was dealing with while we lay in bed. When he finished, I started talking about my side of things. That’s when I noticed he was fast asleep. I pushed him out of the bed.

We agreed the next day to avoid water fights in the future.

We learned during this time that I had congenital hip dysplasia (shallow hip sockets). I was advised to put off hip surgery as long as I could.

Well, just as we were adjusting to this marriage, our firstborn, Brian, came along. Roane didn’t seem to take pregnancy too seriously. He goofed off during childbirth training, and when I told him I needed to go to the hospital, he wanted to wait around and went to tell the neighbors. Well, when Roane goes to talk to anyone, it is not a quick thing. I had to lay on the car horn to get him moving. I was six centimeters when we arrived at the hospital and was in labor for a few more hours. I had to push for two hours. Roane was with me for the births of both of our children. He wasn’t much help, but I didn’t really want any. I pretty much turn inward when in pain or labor. Our son was born after about six hours, and we were concerned because he had the umbilical cord around his neck twice, and there was meconium (poop) in the amniotic fluid. Luckily, he did not inhale any.

We were excited and inexperienced parents. We tried “Teach Your Baby to Read,” thinking we might raise the next president. It was a resounding failure. Brian was slow to walk but was a loving, sweet, easy baby who slept great. I quickly dropped out of a new mother group when I saw that it was about comparing babies. Brian was not what you would call “quick” to meet developmental milestones.
When Brian was 12 months old, I had my first hip replacement surgery. It was a resounding success, and I was able to ride a bike and jump on a trampoline within weeks. I got pregnant six weeks after the surgery on my left hip and couldn’t have any follow-up X-rays. Nine months later, Lisa was born. I stayed home during the pregnancy. When they told us it was a girl, my first thought was, “Oh no, I’m horrible at fixing hair.” Roane cried because he was so excited to have a daughter. She was a whopping 9 lbs. 10 oz (4.2 kg). I pushed for three hours, and they used a vacuum to get her out. I had never been so tired in my life. Lisa was a good baby, but she wanted to breastfeed all the time and I had a hard time caring for a toddler and baby, so after two weeks I started her on formula. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had sought out support and stuck with breastfeeding. Lisa was a sweet baby like Brian, but she didn’t sleep like him. She was much more wakeful (she liked 4 am especially).

I returned to work after Lisa’s birth but had my right hip replaced while she was a baby. Soon after surgery, I was watching Lisa in her playpen while Roane ran to the store with Brian. I sat on the arm of the couch, and my hip dislocated. It was realigned but easily dislocated again a few days later. I ended up in the hospital for 21 out of 29 days and had to have my right hip revised. My mother came and helped care for me and the family after each of my surgeries.

When Brian was in kindergarten, his teacher approached us and said she thought Brian had Attention Deficit Disorder. We had him tested, and he was officially diagnosed with ADD. He was kept back a year in school, and by 4th grade, we were getting him outside tutoring.

By 6th grade, he was put in a special education program at a secular school. He started having big self-esteem issues and, unbeknownst to us, began to struggle with same-sex attraction.

We transferred him to a Christian school for kids with special needs. He did well there but continued to struggle with self-esteem and gender identification issues.

Brian put us through lots of stress during his teens and twenties, having tried to commit suicide several times. He was a “failure-to-launch” for many years and moved home several times, causing stress and disharmony each time.

During our first five years of marriage, Roane went through nine job changes. He worked hard to provide but usually lost his temper or quit his job due to personality clashes with his managers. We ended up in counseling after the birth of each child and after all those job changes.
I have had numerous hip revisions when the plastic liners have worn out in my hips. The latest count is ten hip surgeries.
I started having permanent hearing loss in my 40’s and had several bad episodes of vertigo. By 50, I needed a hearing aid.
My father developed Alzheimer’s disease and, over a period of 1 ½ years, declined to where he was belligerent and confused most of the time. He died of malnutrition and dementia in 2009.

My mother developed breast cancer twice and recovered after lumpectomies and radiation. In about 2012, she developed malignant myeloma in her spine and legs. She underwent oral chemotherapy, which lasted several years.

In 2015, I noticed that my left ankle was weak. I went to a podiatrist to see if I could get an orthotic and was told I needed a lower leg brace. After referrals to physical medicine and then neurology, I was diagnosed with hereditary Charcot-Marie-Tooth disorder (which is a neuromuscular disease- a bit like Muscular Dystrophy). Finally, all the physical maladies and symptoms I had since childhood made sense. The clumsiness, toe walking, lack of dexterity, foot drop, hip problems, weak grip, high arches, hearing loss, and inability to run well were all related to the disease process. Unfortunately, it is incurable at this time and can be passed to children 50% of the time. My son has been diagnosed with it. He has high arches and tight heels, and he is beginning to have back and foot problems. My brother has since been diagnosed with it (but it is milder). My mother probably had a mild case of it as well.
My mother’s cancer worsened, and she was placed in hospice in April 2015. My sister and I had the privilege to care for her for the last few weeks of her life. She died in her home on May 19th 2015.

Over the last few years, Roane and I have had to adjust to waning energy levels, Roane’s retirement, changes in our bodies and sexuality, menopause, a debilitating disease that is affecting my ability to function and be mobile, hip revision surgeries with unexpected complications and lasting effects, a daughter who is struggling in her marriage at age 37, and a son who has continually struggled with keeping steadily employed, his sexual orientation, housing, transportation, and finances. And yet we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.

Roane and I have had wonderful vacations over the years. We traveled to Belize, Ecuador, Hawaii, Florida, Texas, Colorado, Idaho, Arizona, Oregon, and the East Coast. Roane has been able to volunteer on over a dozen short-term mission trips all over the world.

We’ve enjoyed gardening, animals, and home improvement projects. God has provided for all our financial needs and allowed us to be generous. Our children both know and love God. We have a shared love of God and are active in our church. My nursing career has been fulfilling and has provided variety and learning. I believe it has contributed to good in the world. I returned to school for a bachelor’s and then a master’s degree. I’m privileged to be the first person in my family to have a master’s degree. I retired after a 38-year-long career as a registered nurse. Probably the most important legacy Roane and I will leave is our faithfulness to each other and the fact that our children are Christ followers.
We continue looking for opportunities to serve God. We both studied the Bible through Global University and may become certified in ministers someday. At age 67, I started writing. Who knows what else God has for us to do. But I do know I will never retire from serving Christ or from being a Christ-follower. My relationship with Him has been the most valuable thing in my life and the best is yet to come!

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