It’s Mother’s Day month again and as I ponder this I can’t help but think about the changing roles of motherhood. As I have said in previous blog posts, my husband and I have 3 kids and over the course of the past 27 years (yikes, my oldest just turned 27!), my children have changed, and so has the shape of motherhood.

Surprise Beginnings

Our journey started with a surprise pregnancy, yes married people can have those too. We had put off having kids for a few years down the road; at least this is what we thought, until two hours at the doctor’s office, and a blood test moved up that timeline. Have you ever heard the saying: “Want to make God laugh? Then tell Him your plans.” I planned to finish school and have at least one degree, and I planned that my husband would have a full time job. Needless to say, at that time, having kids wasn’t even on our radar.

We took the news like two pros. Neither one of us was brave enough to admit that we were scared out of our wits! Enter our oldest daughter, at 8 lbs 15 oz (4.05 kg) she was going to make her presence known, she entered this world with the strong desire to make things right. From the time she first came out she had a scowl on her face, like she was judging everything my husband and I did. I had no idea how to be a mom, but I was not going to tell anyone that. Armed with every parenting book of that time, I devised another plan. Just in case you are wondering, the answer to your question is: “no”, I hadn’t learned my lesson about planning yet. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I ever have.

My husband and I stumbled our way through those first five years and then, we decided to add another child to the chaos. Enter our son. Unlike our oldest daughter, our son was six weeks early. He was ready to enter the world, and he arrived the day before my birthday. Happy birthday to me! Due to the fact he was so early our little man had to stay in the NICU for a bit, to allow his lungs to develop. I say little guy, but he was almost two months early and he was already over 7 lbs (3.17 kg)! Weeks later at a wellness check up, my doctor noticed our son’s birth weight. He looked at me and said, “Are you a praying woman?” To which I replied, “yes.” He continued, “I can tell because this was going to be an 11 pound (5 kg) baby had you gone to term!” I think about that often as I look at my now 6 foot 5 inch 245 pound “baby” boy today, and thank God for his mercy.

Rounding the corner to our third child was easy. We were not necessarily planning to have a third (there goes God laughing again) but along she came and boy oh boy did she keep us on our toes. I like to say God gave us 2 mild and 1 spicy. Not to say the first two were easy, but our youngest turns up the heat in every area of our lives. Looking back on these past years all the laughter and tears, all the courage and fear I see God’s beautiful stitching weaved throughout it all. My journey of motherhood has had its ups and downs, but a recurring theme throughout all of it was learning, and growing. Obviously my children grew and learned, but as a mother I have too.

Learning to be a student

When my children were littles I was their whole world. I was responsible for feeding, and caring for them (along with my husband) and naturally they developed into independent humans who required less and less from me. Navigating this in the first few stages was a relief. I remember when our youngest was finally potty trained, I was so relieved to be all done with that. However, through some divine wisdom I also realized that I would miss these stages and I quickly learned to relish all the “lasts” with our youngest. I held on to those times, and they became very sweet moments to me. Even here my youngest child was teaching me a lesson.

As I enter into the next stage of my life my children have become some of my closest friends, not in an unhealthy way but in a way that I relate to them as being both a student and a teacher. I am not just talking about technology, although that is a BIG part of them teaching me. I do find myself being taught different lessons by each of them. In the same way I have also been taken care of by them. That last bit has required me to learn humility and to ask for help.

Embracing the cycle of life

As I navigate through some recent health challenges I have had to learn how to ask for help. As a mother, I had to set aside my pride of always being a caregiver and humble myself to be taken care of. This current role change has been full of tears, and yet still full of grace. Just yesterday I spent the entire day in the ER. My youngest daughter had to come along with me as my condition makes it difficult for me to navigate on my own. As she tended to me, tucking my feet into the bed and making sure my pillow was adjusted correctly I remembered back to a time when I did these things for her.

I keep hearing the still, steady voice of the lord saying to me “embrace the cycle of life, this is the natural course.” In my head this all makes sense, but my momma heart wants to always be the one to take care of my children. As I’m writing this, my oldest child is planning to move across the country, my son is planning on joining the Coast Guard and my youngest is planning the next portion of her life. It feels like pieces of me are being spread around, and yet again, my children are teaching me another lesson: how to let go.

God shaping us

Whether you are a mother, or you are hoping to be, the lessons that we are taught through this process are priceless. My prayer is that you allow yourself to be a student, and allow motherhood, however that looks like for you, to shape you into the person God has called you to become.

Ursala Pierce-Houser

Ursala and her husband have 3 children. She was raised in a faith based home. Being surrounded by people who loved to worship God gave her a passion for God’s word and a hunger to connect people to God thru writing. She has written 3 bible studies.

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1989 – United Kingdom

I was 3 months pregnant in March 1989 when I accepted the invitation to be the soprano for Vinesong – a reputable vocal music ministry based in the United Kingdom. It required that I travel across countries, continents, peaks and plains. Itinerant ministry wasn’t new to me. It was all I did since I was 16-years-old. This invitation somehow was different. We were hedged in by a firewall of prayer and our faith in God was steadfast. We knew God had a plan for our lives and our baby, and we rested in His care. We trusted for His provision. We embarked upon a South African ministry tour at the Rhema Church in Johannesburg where Pastor Ray Macauley prayed for our unborn child and asked God to help it be a perfect international missions-baby; to give it peace and keep it comfortable while travelling across continents. 

When we arrived In England I was well cared for and all seemed well. I enjoyed playing numerous “bath games” with my baby long before I held him in my arms. Six months into my pregnancy an ultrasound revealed irregularities.  It was determined that my baby’s spine was not visible. A very worrying and dangerous position for the baby to be in. The examination and consultation were one of the worst moments in my life. I had been in missions and ministry for most of my years and naively assumed that my position in serving God in ministry would protect me from adverse circumstances. Or that somehow, I would be overlooked by adversity. I arrogantly thought I was spiritually strong enough to handle anything. More doctors were called in to check. Same result. Oh, how shocked was my neatly wrapped prosperity theology of, “Believe, declare it and you will receive”. I knew nothing of the sovereignty of God then. But I was about to find out. 

“We suggest abortion. Your baby will be born with grave abnormalities that will affect his life until he eventually is overcome by them. We can confirm that your baby will definitely be born with Spina Bifida”. Terrifying words and a sorrowful diagnosis. A horrifying future for my faith to process. Suddenly all the vows I made about abortion deserted me. As a Christian I promoted and firmly stood on anti-abortion standards. I considered what life would be like for him. What it would be like having to journey into a future with a differently abled child.  All these thoughts and more circled inside my head and disrupted my dreams and faith.

My husband and I were shattered. We had no idea how to navigate the devastating news. We consulted with our ministry team and leader who advised we take it to God in prayer. We wept in desperation before God and implored His favour on the life of our child. In our supplication we learned of Gods sovereignty. God gives life and He alone takes it; we plan but God decides because He alone knows what’s best. We may think we know but only He holds the key to the answers we seek. We were still shaken with fear and anxiety but arose from our knees with a decision firmly made. Our hearts were turned to God. Surrendered to His sovereign will and purpose. Trusting that He would carry us no matter what.

“We will have our baby. He is God’s child – a child committed to God and we believe is called for great exploits. We will not destroy a life or be responsible for doing so. Please do not enforce the abortion because we will not accept it. We believe in this child”.  We sounded brave but our hearts were foiled in fear. “Shaking in our boots” was an understatement. We discovered that no matter how strong we may think we are, life can hit us so hard. It pins us to a wall where we come face to face with our human fragility.

A second ultrasound ensued; a highly unusual procedure at six months of pregnancy but my obstetrician wanted to be sure, and we wanted it. Consultants remained forceful about the abortion. The state didn’t want another liability to take care of. Spina Bifida was a common disability in the United Kingdom. An international consultant was called in and after countless moments of prying and prodding he made an announcement that left the medical team gobsmacked, “I can see the spine. I can’t understand how it was not spotted yet it is clearly outlined across the screen”.  Brows were raised and eyes popped. “Baby’s heartbeat is ever strong and certain”. Our baby was left in peace to grow and my “bath games” continued. The hand of God touching the broken places mine could not.

Eight months into my pregnancy I went into the studio to record the Peace Like a River album. My heavy belly and “air deprived” vocals sensitively and beautifully produced by the legendary international songwriter and music master Stuart Townend.  Stuart jokingly commented, “Please do not go into labour during the recording phase”. A month later on the 10 August 1989 I gave birth to my first Prince at Princess Ann Hospital in Southhampton.  His name is imprinted into the music and engraved onto the album cover as a testimony of God’s miraculous power to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever believe or imagine. It remains a memory of God taking us through the valley of the shadow of death. My son’s birth a testament to the power of God.

Six Years later – South Africa 

A routine school nurse check-up suspected possible scoliosis and advised a scan. Again, my world fell apart. The past beat down on my faith. My peace. I tried to reconcile the first miracle to the second diagnosis that was confirmed as congenital scoliosis. The prognosis even worse. “His curve will deteriorate with every passing year”. My son had just started playing in the Bakers mini-cricket games. “He will never play sport”.  I lay against my shower wall while the water rained down on my pain and sorrow. “Why, Lord. Why. I thought you had healed him. I thought your miracle was complete. What sin have I committed that you punish me so. That you punish us? That you punish my son so. Have I not served you all my life?”

Despite our pain we prayed every night and I laid hands on my son’s body and anointed it with oil. I ignored the voice of naysayers who said there is no power in the oil. They missed that it was my faith displayed in symbolism. When we are desperate and in great turmoil, we fall upon God in unwavering hope. I believed that God would understand my need and knew my heart. He saw my tears and did not despise my fears. I never stopped believing in prayer and used the oil as a symbol of my faith in God to touch and heal. I was a miracle baby too. But my story of miracles will be told another time. 

Present Day 

Today at almost 35 years of age and despite prognosis my eldest Prince has covered major National and International ground in the professional world of cricket. Through captaincy and over 100 caps later he defied and defies prognosis; and is indeed a walking miracle. The greatest miracle is that God keeps him comfortable – just as Ray Macauley prayed before he was born – and when discomfit hits, God upholds his miracle son. I cannot understand it all. The confrontation with abortion and prognosis of disability still strikes at my heart and faith regularly. My soul continues to pray unceasingly. My son’s faith remains ever firm in the same God he encountered before and after he was born into this world. A God who has a plan for our lives. A God who understands what the world needs through us. Our testimonies of recovery and restoration change minds, provokes deep consideration by those contemplating abortion. I discovered that it is impossible to determine the future even in the face of horrific prognosis.

Oh God our help in ages past, our hope for years to come

My baby defied medical intention and prognosis, “Congenital Scoliosis does not allow for its sufferers to play sport or any rigorous activity. He will be deformed.”

Our miracle wars against congenital scoliosis daily and our story has left the worlds best orthopaedic surgeons scratching their heads. God has him. Uncomfortable flare-ups remind us that we serve a faithful God who knows the end from the beginning. He is the Alpha and Omega – the beginning and the end. I am convinced that God has the life of every child clearly marked and mapped. We will never understand His ways and like me, we will always ask, “Why, Lord, why?” I have not received my answer yet but when I look at the miracle we chose to bring into this world, I know God gave me the greatest gift I could ever have asked for. The navigation of his journey is his own story, and I know he has his own questions, pains and thoughts. But above all I know this, “He is ever grateful to be alive and live in the greatness of who God is. When he beholds his son and wife, he understands what it is to be given a beautiful gift. The same he was and is to me. His miracle always before him. Before us.” 

I undoubtedly know that during the second ultrasound in 1989 that God was holding my baby against His bosom. The specialist, one of the best in the world, unknowingly beheld Jehovah Rapha at work. The screen reflected the force of angels and the power of a sovereign God surrounding the baby yet to be born; a son destined to be a voice for kingdom of God. I am constantly reminded through his exploits that God had him then and God has him now. God will always have him. God holds him. It is only when adversity hits that we truly know whether we will stand or fall. Thank God we stood. “In the midst of wise counsel there is safety”. Spiritual and moral support helped us stand. Grace helped us through. It kept and keeps us from caving in to fear and sorrow. 

My son is a courageous, handsome sportsman whose name is in media and in print; the face his baby applauds when he sees him on television. A man his wife is proud to be with. A champion for the faith; a faith we all hold on to. He reminds us daily that our is a God of miracles. Prayer is a most powerful tool. When everything points to “He will never” God steps through our veil of uncertainty and paralysing fear, and shows his power in our darkness. In our pain. In a mother’s questions and desperate tears. A heart that sorrows when her children hurt. 

My tearful response to the mother who is at war with abortion is a sensitive, “Don’t abort your legacy – your gift to the world. Your baby is Gods. Let his sovereign will decide the gift it will be to this world. If you cannot raise him, let him be cared for by another mother who longs to”. 

This story is a fraction of the journey that started with a medical order to abort; it hardly captures the terror we walked through. Like living in a room without air; without windows. Perpetual panic attacks that leave one gasping for breath. But no matter what tomorrow holds I know that after 35 years that God is in this story. He is writing it every minute of every day. Each day my trust grows in Gods power that defies a lifelong prognosis. He alone knows the end from the beginning and he scripts our lives according to a great love we will eventually come to understand.

“Call unto me in the day of trouble, I will deliver you and you will glorify me”. Psalm 50:15

“I believe Lord; uplift my pained heart and grant me peace in my restless hours”. 

While some nights and days can seem too long and hard l will always believe in miracles;

Because I birthed one. 

From Beulah Kleinveldt’s From a Place of Miracles. Her new upcoming nonfiction book on life and the stories that birth hope.

Beulah Kleinveldt

Beulah Kleinveldt or Ms B”, as she is fondly known is a mother, grandmother and mentor. Her journey speaks of success and victory, failure, shame and restoration. A passion to live an intentional life.

4shadesofscarlet.blogspot.com/

The post I Birthed a Miracle: A Christian Mother’s Conflict with Abortion and a Heart wrenching Medical Prognosis appeared first on Cup of Faith.